How Your Enemies Spent Quarantine

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Sarah from Accounting made seventeen loaves of gluten-free bread. Some have nuts; some don’t. Some are frosted; some are savory. Honestly, once she started, she just couldn’t stop!


The guy you went on three dates with just played eighteen straight hours of Red Dead Redemption and ended up getting pink eye.


Your stepmother, Mary Louise, just finished a thousand-piece puzzle of a Degas painting and is hopping onto her Zoom book club to shame everyone for not reading enough Alice Munro.


Your neighbor’s dog, Otter, is patiently waiting until your meditation class to start yelping and howling.


That bartender, the one who always smirks at your drink choice, is concocting his signature beguiling cocktail, an espresso martini he claims his grandfather invented, before enjoying it with a forty-year-old Cuban cigar.


Your college roommate has written four novellas. You’re going to love them. They’re part autobiographical and part fiction! In fact, you might recognize yourself!


Anna has seen four documentaries on acid rain in Poland and would like you to sign a petition before it’s too late.


Your boss, Claire, has made a bird feeder for the neighborhood—it’s gigantic, and she calls it “The Avian Mansion.”


Your ex-brother-in-law, Teddy, has mowed “I MISS YOU JANET” in the grass, hoping his ex-wife will see.


Your co-worker Max and his girlfriend have created a Web series about living together which has several episodes but very few views. It’s . . . goofy.


Your cousin Lisa has been doing twenty twenty-minute workouts a day, resulting in her being in the “best shape of her life” and, honestly, “loving it.”


Your landlord, Carl, has finally watched all of “Game of Thrones” and has a few bones to pick as far as realism goes. Those fur costumes in that snow? Anyway, you can read it all on his WordPress. . . .


Your aunt Debbie is making her own cheese. And butter. She has an old-fashioned churn and everything. You can visit her Instagram, “The Urban Farm,” but don’t forget to sign the virtual guest book. 😉


Your old college professor (he failed you in oceanography) has found a late-in-life passion for anime.


Your sister-in-law, Naomi, is really enjoying homeschooling her four beautiful children. Duolingo? More like MUCHO-lingos—the kids are picking up languages like blocks: EASILY.



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